If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
