Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
