I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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