just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
