lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
