i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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