the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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