it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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