my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
