Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
