Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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