I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
