I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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