I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
