frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
