My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you will always have a special place in my vag
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everclear isn't food dammit
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
