He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
