physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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