Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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