Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
