Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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