I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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