If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
