Pants 0. Shit 1.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
