Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
