Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
