I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
