Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
