I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
