this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
