He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
