Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
