you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
