hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
