Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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