he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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