Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
