K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
