She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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