Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
