I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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