Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
