I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
