Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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