Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
