it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
