Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
