Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
