So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
