do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
