I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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