Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
