well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
worst night to have a conscience
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
