Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is Oprah even human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
